I write about Krishna philosophy in this blog. I write many posts highlighting ideals and principles. For some it may be inspiring and some intimidating. I simply take the position of a post man. The role of the post man is to deliver and I took that responsibility to deliver what I hear about Krishna and what I read about Krishna. I mash it up with my own personal understanding of the world and off it comes as personal realization. But no way am I following everything I say in my blog. I get criticized for my apparent high handedness.
One of the problems I face as an individual is when people judge me. When people say things about me that I am not, I get upset, and puts me in defense. Most often I get disturbed and argue back. It was worse when I was younger where I lost career and family. From a spiritual standpoint this sort of behavior is not condoned. One who chants the names of God and one who takes refuge in Krishna will not react the way I do. So although I say and speak such high philosophy, in reality I aspire to that but do not entirely follow at least currently. However,still for the benefit of others we are responsible to speak the truth as spoken by Krishna and at the same time aspire to be like one. Simply speaking and not wanting to follow is hypocrisy. I want to follow and pray that one day I will. But till then I have to fight my demons within. I know I have failed many times and people were not impressed with my behavior but I want to continue despite failure. It may take me many lifetimes, but as long as I am committed to my spiritual lineage to which I largely owe to my spiritual master and Srila Prabhupada, I know Krishna will give me the inner strength to resolve the contradictions and doubts that arise within my heart.
This is the greatness of Krishna consciousness. There is no such thing as failure. Failure is only when we quit. Hence I do not intend quitting. It is a battle nevertheless but honestly the battle in the secular world is still worse, at least in my opinion. This is how we build the fortress of faith by battling our inner demons, battling external temptations and at the same time committed to the instructions's of Krishna.
H.H.Bhakti Charu Swami once said it nicely
"Krishna consciousness movement is not a pleasure trip. It is serious business...it is like joining the army, you commit yourself, you discipline yourself, you follow the line of authority, and fight for the mission, commit yourself to achieve the mission. A soldier is meant to fight the enemy. Our enemy is maya or kali....Krishna consciousness is a lifelong commitment"