growing up...

On my way to work today, i was meditating on how I was blessed with various opportunities, growing up, to meet so many different people in different places. From when I was a child, I had the opportunity to travel. I was 9 years old, and my father wanted me and my brother to go to India to study. I and my brother traveled “unaccompanied” (that is the official word they used), meaning we would be under the guidance of a stewardess who would take care of our papers and other important necessities till we reached our destination. Essentially, we both were alone the whole trip but were escorted by the stewardess to the right spots at the right times. We normally had to be in transit in another city before we flew to our final destinations. Though my memory vague, I remember once we were in transit in Bombay (now called Mumbai) airport and we lost our luggage. I and my brother located an airport officer and went to the lost and found and “discovered” our luggage. While it may sound normal, actually we did all of this alone, to me that was exhilarating. My father always taught me to do things alone and be resilient in life. While I was petrified at the thought of being alone, I always enjoyed my new found freedom (you could imagine how my father was-pretty strict).

I and my brother were put in a boarding school in India when we were 10 and 11 years old respectively and I guess both of us had a blast in those care free days. I did not know Tamil (as I did my early schoolings in Kuwait) and for me this was the challenge because I had the fear I would be left out among my middle school peers but I persisted. Even there, everything was a fascination for me doing things “alone” (although I was always under the constant watch of my teachers). In those young days, I had lot of friends and met a lot of people and this gave me the tolerance to adapt to new cultures and backgrounds. After I graduated from high school, I had to travel many times to Bangalore for my college admissions. Normally, I travel alone in such circumstances. Once I went to Bangalore and stayed in a relative’s house (I was a total stranger to them). They were nice enough to give me a place to stay and food and gave me travel advice within the city. India is such a variegated place where every state has its own language, cuisine, and culture. Therefore, I was a total stranger in this new city. I was given proper instructions to travel by bus. However, I forgot to get down in the right spot and completely got lost. Unfortunately I did not know their language and did not know the name of the place I needed to go. The documents I carried were also in the local language and I could not read them either. Mind you folks, cell phones were not in vogue in India those days (I am talking in the early 90s). Not knowing what to do, I stumbled upon various people and was given wrong directions many times and finally reached my place. It was an experience I will never forget simply because of the opportunities I had talking to different people to get my way back.

Few years later, I decided to study medicine in Nepal. Hence I had to travel back and forth to Nepal from India many times. It took 2 days and 3 nights to reach the Indian border by train and then another 8-10 hours by road. I have to tell you, the 8-10 hours bus trip was the most grueling experiences of my life. I traveled pretty much from the south of India to the Northern borders of India and into the foothills of the Himalayas. Nepal is one of the most beautiful places on earth. Since not much modernization has taken place in Nepal, the original beauty has been maintained and the experiences I had with people there were unforgettable. While Nepal receives almost all supports (local goods) from India, the people of Nepal do not like Indians in general. Hence I always was made fun of or pushed in one way or the other. It was an experience of its own simply because you get an opportunity to survive in a fairly unfriendly place. Again my experiences with people and their culture taught me many things.

I took many short trips such as my trips to Kerala, Lakshadweep islands (I traveled by ship-that was cool), Hyderabad, Calcutta, Baroda, Kathmandu etc. In most of the trips, I was either alone or with my friends. I never traveled much with my parents. In all of these travels, I learnt so many many things I cannot possibly put to pen but the essence was that I learnt to understand and adapt to people to their nature and conditioning. This helped me immensely to stay in a totally new place with complete strangers. I have slept many times near bathrooms, platforms, sat 12 hours straight not getting up in fear of losing my seat (not even taking a bathroom break), stood 8-10 hours straight in crowded buses and the best part was I made many many travel friends. I have this tendency to ramble to unknown strangers ultimately making friends with them. Since I traveled young, I had little conditioning of my own and hence could appreciate the local culture through the eyes of the local people. It was always exciting at the same time intimidating when I think of going to a new place and meet new people.

In all of this, I wondered how I survived. I gained immense inspiration from one person. That is my father! He taught me many things that I admired and knew there was value. Although my father is nothing close to being a Hare Krishna, he taught me principles of self-discipline, resilience and the will power to carry out bold things. He always appreciated boldness in a person and expected me to be bold and fearless in any situation. He always talked about how by talking one can get one’s way. At the same time, he stressed on a disciplined life style. He expected me and my brother (which we never did) to rise early in the morning and study and have an active lifestyle. He stressed on cleanliness and active maintenance of body and soul. He was very detail oriented and creative. My father was spiritual and he liked to dwell on those subject matters (unfortunately it ends in impersonal philosophy which we all know is nothing but mental speculation). Although my father had traits not worth mentioning, I always admired his boldness and the will to carry out things. But things have changed between me and my father and guess it will never be the same again. However, overall he stressed on many points that I use in Krishna Consciousness today.

I was thinking that during all these travel experiences, Krishna put me in difficult times in many places but looking back He was there also protecting me all the time. I remember once when I was in Nepal, I came down with severe Hepatitis (barely able to walk), all my money was stolen, and completely destitute I did not know what to do. Due to the inflammation of the liver, I was half the time hallucinating. During this whole period, it is amazing how I made it back to my hometown. I was helped at the right time by so many friends. The money, flight tickets, my ability to walk and speak…everything came to me when I needed it (all the other times I was hallucinating).

So I was thinking, if Krishna helped me when I was an agnostic, how much mercy He would show if I did some service for Him. I was thinking all I have to do now is do the same traveling but now equip myself with the real deal – Srila Prabhupada books. But now, my will to work, and serve has been replaced with false ego and pride. While before, I was willing to sleep and eat anywhere and anything as long as I get my job done, today I have become picky and fussy about every detail in life. If I go out to distribute books…I think what if somebody says something, what if people make fun…so on and so forth…all these thoughts raise in my mind. I have lost the will to be resilient and fearless to serve the mission of Lord Chaitanya.

Perhaps the will that came before was because I knew whatever I did before would benefit me materially but now I guess I realize somewhere in my heart that unconditional service will not benefit my false ego...hence the slacking attitude?

I pray to Krishna to give me that will and strength to face this material world so I can do some service without finding fault with anyone.

I also want to take this opportunity to thank my father for everything he has said and done to bring me to a point where I can serve Srila Prabhupada and his mission. I hope Krishna shows His mercy on him.

Hare Krishna